Bob-a-job-alog-a-roonie

They phoned me, and a young lady explained to me how they calculate their "loyal customers" figure:

Every week they add up the total number of individual purchases at all their stores - this figure (250,000) multiplied by 52 weeks is what they use for "loyal customers".

So rather, than saying that they have loyal customers, to the contrary, 65% of the country eat at Oporto each year - and none visit more than once!

Or perhaps they have 250,000 loyal customers who eat there on average once a week.... but that doesn't sound nearly as impressive

I can't be bothered complaining to the ACCC about this, and I would like to think that it is just an honest mistake...

...but a recent ad promoting Oporto franchising opportunuties says

"With a fast-expanding network of 96 stores serving over 13 million loyal customers nationwide"

Most people would reckon they are stating that out of 20 million Australians, 13 million of them (or 65%) regularly eat at an Oporto outlet. That would probably make them the most popular product in all of Australia. They also state a figure of 12 million here [pdf]. I suppose 85 stores could collectively ring up 13 million sales per year (415 sales per store, per day), but it would be very bad analysis to claim that each one of those sales represented a unique, loyal customer.

I've emailed them, asking:

I saw your franchising ad in The Australian and was wondering how accurate your claim of "13 million loyal customers" is, given that Australia has a population of only 20 million.

I received a promotional letter in the post earlier this year from BRW, and I thought it was funny how they couldn't quite get their spiel right...

"Just $179 per year - less than $5 per week"

They produce 50 issues a year, and by my calculations $179 divided by 50 is $3.58.

...so they could have been a bit smarter and promoted the deal as "less than $4 per week" - unless they are trying to be "reassuringly expensive"?

No matter what the topic, someone in the world will create a website about it, and post lots of in-depth and relevant information.

In this instance, the topic is How to Repair Sex Dolls!

Could it be a deliberate ploy by Telstra??

Their page on how to get $$ if they take too long to connect you is not indexed by Google:

Customer Service Guarantee for Standard Telephone Services

...which means searching for this information in Google will be a waste of time.

I will phone them soon with my complaint, but I'm not looking forward to it - I expect it to be a long and painful exercise...