PRECEDENT
- Alcoholics
- Drug Addicts
- Self Harm
- Sex Addicts
- Eating Disorder
- Gambling
- Sexual Predator / Flasher
- Obsessive Exerciser
- Domestic Abuse
Most people would look at that list and think the theme is an ongoing lack of self control.
I believe it is a momentary lack of reason, an isolated incident where you say fuck this, let’s do that.
Because of that one moment of insanity, you have set a precedent.
You will most likely think of that word in a legal context, where a precedent has been set from a single court case.
If that court case made a wrong decision, that could affect every other court case with the same circumstances, wrongly, for decades or more.
If you make one wrong decision, that could affect every other decision you make within the same circumstances, wrongly.
That first cigarette, even though you knew it was wrong, meant that same wrong decision for decades.
GOOD v BAD
Two sporting failures for kids:
- Kid falls of jumping pony and breaks collarbone
- Kid fails double flip at Trampoline World into a foam pit
Who gets back on the horse, so to speak?
Your persona/soul/brain/subconscious already has a million rules in place. Once you have made a decision, and the same circumstances arise again, it is inefficient to go through the decision process again. So you refer back to last time, and repeat.
For most things, this is awesome. Most people will squeeze the same amount of toothpaste onto their brush each time, fill a glass of wine to the same level, and order your “favourite” at a restaurant.You don’t have to rethink those many thousands of little decisions you make every day.
But when you make a bad decision, the same process applies, an economical precedent is in place.
DON’T MAKE RULES
All of the above probably just makes sense and you are thinking not ground-breaking. Here’s the new thing:
Subconscious or not, the stronger the moral/ethical/logical rule in your head is, the more likely a precedent will be set when you break that rule.
Here’s a real world example from me. I needed to lose a few kilos. Not a lot, but enough for it to motivate me to try.
Rigid rules: on these days I will do these things. Eat just protein, fast, free day, whatever – set into a calendar.
Fuzzy rules: in general I will aim for 2 healthy meals out of 3 per day. And on mornings when I don’t feel hungry, I’ll skip breakfast.
With the rigid rules, when I break any of the rules, any one time, a very strong precedent was set because I cared about it more. I had invested more into it.
With fuzzy rules, care is less. If I have a day of one healthy meals instead of two, I’ll not care as much, and the validating reasons will have more power.
For weight loss fuzzy has worked for me way better. I’ve gained weight again recently (we are talking 5kg plus or minus my whole adulthood, which perhaps makes it easier to observe, detached…). But I am not stressed about losing it again, because I wasn’t stressed last time. I have set a precedent of easy.
RELATIONSHIPS
When you decide to kiss someone (consensual of course), that decision becomes a precedent. Making love, ditto. Dressing up and going to work at the same time every day, ditto. No need to rethink the decision.
But what it kissing someone was a more random and fuzzy decision, more of a toss of a coin, less of a hard calculated decision? What if you had a job where you can rock up whenever you felt like it (paid for the actual hours your work)?
THE ANSWER
If it is good, make strong rules.
If it is not good, make fuzzy rules.
That way the good will have a strong precedent and the weak will have a fuzzy precedent.
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